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This is my Paopu fruit from Kingdom Hearts. The game means a lot to me in that it signifies youth, adventure, and the yearning to seek new worlds. My best friend that I have known since I was about eight years old (I’m nineteen now) got a matching one at the same time, but on her ankle. We got these a week before I moved 700 miles away from her for college. I always dreamed I’d find a guy that I could get a Paopu tattoo with, but the one I had in mind is proving that maybe our destinies weren’t mean to be intertwined after all…Either way, I love it and it makes me happy and feel not so alone in this big world we live in.
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Throwing caution to the wind.
I’m done. Everything will be different. I honestly can’t sit here and believe I was put on this planet to work and pay bills. To start a family, to have a marriage, to play house. I just can’t accept it. Fuck that, I won’t accept it.
I don’t have the financial backbone to just fly to any country and find myself. I can eventually get to that point under my terms. But until then, I can start living without a map. Whether that be eating foods I never would before, taking a change of route home, saying yes instead of no, or whatever. Anything out of my norm. I can’t sit here and waste all of my days being a worker bee. Or wondering how i’m going to fit my octagon life into a fucking triangle. I don’t want to regret getting into my late ages about anything I could have possibly done right now. Any thought I have, any dream or ambition, i’m going to chase it. I’m going to hunt that motherfucker down and try my ass off. And even if I land straight on my ass, fail, or cry, or become broke, i’m hunting it. Because this, this routine I’ve built around myself with electric fences, needs to be down. It needs to be destroyed.
I can’t be comfortable. I can’t settle for being safe or normal. I want to be scared, I want to take risks, I want to eat amazing food that will probably make me 20lbs heavier. Fall in love, get my heart broken. Be the daredevil I know I can be. Shit, I know that I am. So just because I can’t afford my need to intoxicate myself with culture shock, doesn’t mean that it should put my wants for change in purgatory. I’m going to be taking leaps to change before I can get that plane ticket. Because tree’s can’t touch the sky when their rooted. And i’m not the only one fucking tired of this goddamn ground.
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PlayAgnes Obél — Riverside
Down by the river by the boats
Where everybody goes to be alone
Where you wont see any rising sun
Down to the river we will run
When by the water we drink to the dregs
Look at the stones on the river bed
I can tell from your eyes
You’ve never been by the riverside
Down by the water the riverbed
Somebody calls you somebody says
swim with the current and float away
Down by the river everyday
Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep
And I don’t know why I go the way
Down by the riverside
When that old river runs pass your eyes
To wash off the dirt on the riverside
Go to the water so very near
The river will be your eyes and ears
I walk to the borders on my own
To fall in the water just like a stone
Chilled to the marrow in them bones
Why do I go here all alone
Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep
And I don’t know why I go the way
Down by the riverside
